Winning Without Intimidation
COLUMN by Bob Burg – Jan 21, 2005
In the battle of persuasion, strategy is everything. What techniques are most effective in securing a “win”? (Part one of a seven-part series.)
In this new series for the Atlasphere, internationally-known speaker and author Bob Burg will share ideas and techniques from his book on effective communication and persuasion.
Who is mighty? He who can control his own emotions and make, of an enemy, a friend.
- Talmud
What if you could consistently persuade others to your side of an issue, including the difficult people you encounter?
These “difficult” people include a wide range: the customer service representative not providing good customer service; the civil servant who’s neither civil . . . nor a servant; a nasty neighbor; a difficult family member with whom you can’t seem to communicate without yelling, screaming, and bad feelings ensuing; your co-worker, supervisor, employee, prospect, or client.
According to Webster’s, to win means “to succeed or prevail; to triumph; to be victorious.” To persuade is “to cause someone to do something, especially by reasoning, urging, or inducement.”
When you persuade, it results in others taking action. When you persuade positively, it results in others taking positive action. In other words, it results in a win/win. It’s not that the other person will necessarily get what they want; sometimes that’s just not “real-world.” What it does mean is that they’ll be able to feel good about themselves, you, and the situation. This is not just “feel-good baloney” lacking real-world application.
Those who can consistently get what they want while making others feel good about themselves are happier, healthier, wealthier, have better relationships, set a good example for their children with regard to resolving challenges, suffer much less from needless stress and, overall, live a much more successful life.
Persuasion does not mean manipulation. While many of the principles are the same (and those with mal-intent could use these principles to hurt others instead of help them), the difference is both the intent . . . and the results.
Dr. Paul W. Swets, author of The Art of Talking so That People Will Listen, says:
Manipulation aims at control, not cooperation. It results in a win/lose situation. It does not consider the good of the other party. In contrast, the persuader seeks to enhance the self-esteem of the other party. The result is that people respond better because they are treated as responsible, self-directing individuals.
In this series, we’ll discuss various aspects of what I call “Winning Without Intimidation.” In mastering the art of positive persuasion, you’ll also find yourself more successfully selling your political and other conceptual ideas. No longer will you find yourself “convincing” another person that you are right and they are wrong, only to see them continue to resist your message and cling even more fiercely to their original beliefs.
The fact is, while many of us (including myself) would like to think that the logical “argument” always wins, it’s generally not the case. In sales vernacular, people “buy” emotionally, and then back up their emotional decision with logic.
As human beings, whether buying a product, service, concept, or idea, we rationalize. Of course, if you break up the word “rationalize,” you could say we tell ourselves “rational lies.”
Much of this rationalization is a result of the human ego. The ego will cause otherwise clear-thinking and well-meaning people to reject what should never be rejected (such as liberty and small, Constitutional-based government).
In my seminars, I teach what I believe is the most fundamental aspect of sales: “All things being equal, people will do business with, and refer business to, those people they know, like and trust.”
Should it be that way? Perhaps not. But it is. And, as with any Universal Law or Principle, we can act in accordance with it or we can ignore it . . . but we cannot alter it. This principle also relates to all other ideas we try to communicate.
In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that when “selling” individual liberty, personal responsibility, and charity as opposed to oppressive taxation, we must understand that before a person will buy into our ideas, they must first “buy” into us.
Some statistics state success in most areas of life is based ten percent on technical skills and ninety percent on people skills. I agree. This does not mean technical skills aren’t important. They are. The reason they only account for ten percent, however, is because the skill level is assumed. It’s baseline. Without it, you’re not even in the game. To cite a business example, if every accountant, engineer, or lawyer is just as skilled technically, it’s those with the people skills (selling skills, persuasion skills) who will get the account.
Les Giblin, author of How To Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People, shares his definition of human relations as, “The science of dealing with people in such a way that your ego and their ego remains intact.”
So, how do we do it? We’ll begin the actual how-to in the very next installment.
Bob Burg speaks on the topics of positive persuasion and business networking. His books, Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales and Winning Without Intimidation: How to Master the Art of Positive Persuasion have each sold well over 100,000 copies. He maintains a web site which includes the expanded e-book version of Winning Without Intimidation.
